


Ever the Same

by sweetly_sidical



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Flashbacks, Heartache, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 6,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetly_sidical/pseuds/sweetly_sidical
Summary: Inspired by the song of the same title by Rob Thomas, we follow the journey of Draco Malfoy after being left by the saviour of the Wizarding World and the heartache involved.(Please note that translations are not allowed, and please do not repost my work anywhere. If you would like it on another platform, please leave a comment!)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Original Male Character(s), Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 32
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is something I've been working on for the past year, and am still working on :)  
> Chapters will be posted on every Friday and Tuesday, with random updates here and there

**One**

_November 7, 2003_

Draco had had enough. It had been eleven months since Harry told him he wasn’t what he was looking for, and it had been eleven months of him wallowing in his self-pity, ashamed that he’d let himself fall so hard so quickly, ashamed that every confession he had made to the other man now could be revealed to the world. Ashamed that Harry still had such a strong hold over his entire existence.

He still can recall the exact moment he realised he and Harry would not last. It was two days before Harry had ended it, and Draco noticed how the look in his eyes had changed, and that the nights they spent together were growing strangely cold. He now knew that Harry didn’t feel the same anymore, yet he held on until Harry pulled the trigger, clinging desperately on to the tiny chance that he was imagining it.

Eleven months, and he still sleeps as cold as ever, despite desperately layering blankets over him and casting countless heating charms over himself, anything to replicate the warmth Harry brought him. Eleven months, and he had to cancel his subscription to the Daily Prophet because each day there were images of Harry and his new love plastered on the front cover, rubbing what Draco lost in his nose as if part of some sick, twisted joke. Eleven months, and he no longer knew who he was without him.

To make it worse, he knew that if Harry were to walk in and apologise, ask for forgiveness and beg of Draco to take him back, he would do it in a heartbeat. Draco would ruin himself a million times over if it meant Harry could be his once again.

One day, on one of his better days, he made the decision to go for a walk. He had gotten so lost in his own mind that he hadn’t realised he had walked up the stairs to Harry’s apartment, and had rung the doorbell. Mortified, he came to the realisation that there was no chance of escaping the awkward encounter.

He was mid-panic when the beautiful, dark-haired man who had ripped his heart out of his chest and walked all over it like it was nothing opened the door, shocked.

“Draco?” He stood there, dumbstruck. “What- why are you here?” Draco froze and stared for a brief moment. He didn’t know what to say, how to justify his being there, so instead, he took the ever so noble path of turning around and retreating down the stairs. He had made it halfway down when Harry called after him, “Wait! Did you want to talk?”  
Draco looked over his shoulder, explaining, “I don’t know why I came here. Sorry if I interrupted your day,” he gestured to behind Harry, “with him.” Not hearing a response, he turned onto the street, hiding the tears that threatened to fall as well as he could.

He made it to the closest alleyway before apparating back home, where he fell into a heap on his sofa, all the emotions he had felt when they first broke up resurging as if no time had passed at all. Seeing Harry, with the same stupid, messy hair and the maroon knitted sweater he always wore, and those soft, green eyes which Draco only knew to portray Harry’s caring nature, made Draco aware that he may never move on from the other man. And it was stupid, pathetic really, but all Draco could imagine was someone else was running his hands through that hair, someone else having the privilege of holding him, feeling his love that seemed to be endless.

He began scratching at his arms, his eyes, his head, desperate to stop picturing the man he had lost. Anything to escape Potter's overconsuming gaze, his soft angles, the hair which constantly refused to be tamed into something remotely presentable. The room around him began spinning, not even the floor felt as if it was holding him up. All he wanted was to escape, to not feel this way anymore. But then he would picture Harry’s eyes, and there was nothing else he could do but experience the pain. Allow the torture to wash over his body until he can breathe again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

_November 15, 2003_

Days later, when he finally managed to work his way out of the emotional spiral seeing Harry had sent him down, he worked up the courage to go shopping for groceries. Or, more realistically, he had run out of food and needed to go out. His shopping trip was normal enough, he made small talk with the cashier, and made the short walk home. At least, it was normal, until he arrived home to a very distressed Harry Potter.

“Oh Merlin, I thought you had left for good," his worry-stricken face hitting Draco like a bludger to the stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

_Flashback_

_January 6, 2003_

“We need to talk,” Harry started, and Draco looked up from his book.  
This was it, the day Draco most feared had arrived, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.  
“About what?” He asked, already knowing what was to come.  
“I just– I don’t know how to say this without breaking your heart.” Draco felt tears beginning to form, the lump in his throat growing. “I just don’t know if we should keep doing this. I love you, you know that I love you, but I’m just not sure that you’re the one for me,” Harry shut his eyes, and all Draco could do was stare at him, the words failing to sink in. “I am so sorry–” Harry tried to add.  
“I need you to leave.”  
“Draco, please. Just hear me out,” Harry pleaded to him.  
“No,” Draco jumped up and threw his book at his chest, hard, wanting to inflict some pain on the other boy, something to hurt him the way in which he was being hurt. “Out. Now.”

Harry stared at him, at a loss of what to do, for what felt like an eternity to Draco, who could feel his heart shattering with each passing second. Draco went to leave to any other room but this one, before turning back to take one last look at Harry. His Harry. The one who had shown him that vulnerability should not be feared, that he wasn’t a horrible person, that he was deserving of love. Except now it seemed that the amount of love he deserved was finite, and very quickly coming to an end.

Finally, Harry picked up his sweater and walked to the door, before turning around to look at Draco, the man he once loved. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and walked out of the door, out of Draco’s life.

Except he never left Draco’s life, because all that occupied his thoughts was the golden boy, with his stupid hair and stupid glasses. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

_November 15, 2003_

“I need you to leave,” Draco pushed past Harry to unlock his front door. For a moment, he was transported back to the last time he told Harry Potter to leave his house. The fateful day that left him here, still picking up the pieces.  
“Why did you come to my house the other day?” Harry stood there stubbornly, stagnant and refusing to leave.  
“I already told you. I didn’t mean to, I was lost in my thoughts and didn’t realise what I was doing. I’m sorry I bothered you, now please leave,” Draco walked inside, and tried to shut the door on Harry, who held it open.  
“Well, can we at least talk?” Harry tried, still standing in the blond’s doorway.  
The nerve of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Broke His Heart, made Draco almost want to laugh. Talk? _Talk?_ As if he deserves that after what he did to him?  
“No, we cannot ‘talk’," Draco snapped at him, hurt lacing his eyes yet anger consuming him. "No. Do you know why we cannot talk? Because eleven months ago, you talked, and since then, I cannot live my life without seeing you everywhere I go. We cannot talk, because you fell out of love with me, and I am still trying to deal with that harsh reality," tears threatened to fall as Draco spilt his heart to the shocked man across from him. He paused for a moment, composing himself. "So, can you please leave now, I have things to do, and none of them involves seeing your pathetic face in my living room,” Draco placed his groceries on the counter, and turned back to Harry. Harry stood there, processing this. He hadn’t meant to snap, he just needed to be rid of the brunette so he could break down in peace.  
Shocked at the response he receives, Harry stood back, “I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll just go,” he walked away, shutting the door behind him.

And just like that, Draco was back to where he was eleven months ago, desperate to get over the man who broke his heart.

Harry hadn’t returned to try to talk. Draco knew that he told him to leave, but there was still a part of him that wished Harry cared. Wished Harry put up more of a fight to talk to him, put up more of a fight to _stay_.

But then he has to remind himself that Harry is with someone else; Harry is happy without him. Harry didn't need him, he was merely disposable, to be thrown out once Harry got bored.

This time, Draco refused to allow Harry to send him down that same, never-ending spiral of grief and feeling hopeless. He refused to let that happen for a second time that week. Instead, he wrote to his mother, asking if he could visit her in the countryside of France where she retired to after his father was arrested and thrown in Azkaban.

Within the hour, Narcissa responded, overjoyed at the prospect of seeing her son. Once Draco received her reply, he threw together a bag and was gone in an instant.

Upon arrival to the quaint cottage, Draco is met with the icy, mid-November air biting at his skin, and rainfall just heavy enough to make standing around uncomfortable. He is quick to knock on the door, and even quicker to step inside and hug his mother. She was even frailer than he remembered, the years of stress and her age catching up to her. Her hair seemed sparse, and when he hugged her, it was as if she was made of nothing but skin and bones.

When their embrace ended, Narcissa clucked, commenting on how sunken in his cheekbones were, how he looked as if he hadn’t eaten a proper meal in weeks, how he seemed lost in his own mind. All of which was true.

Once Narcissa had fed him a decent meal, and gotten him settled in, she decided to finally ask him what was going on.  
“What has been going on?” She sat on the sofa across from him after handing him a cup of tea. “Why haven’t you owled me in the past month?”  
Draco sat still for a moment. “This month has been–” he started, “I saw Harry again.”  
His mother was visibly taken aback. “Where? Did he come to find you? What happened?”  
“I–,” Draco faltered. “One day, I decided to go for a walk, and without meaning to, I went to his flat. I didn’t say anything, and I left before he had the chance to. Then, just two days ago, he came over demanding that we talk, which I refused, naturally. We haven’t really spoken, just seeing him again brought everything back and… I don’t know,” he ran one of his hands through his hair, realising he hadn’t showered since that day.  
Narcissa responded by joining him, and took him into her arms. “Shhh. It’s okay.”

The knowledge that the so-called saviour of the Wizarding World could do this to her son, _her Draco_ , sent Narcissa reeling. The same boy that she risked her life to ensure Voldemort thought was dead. That very same boy who she welcomed into her family, regardless of having the history of being on opposite sides of the war, regardless of her thoughts on what his blood status would do to her family lineage. And he decided that Draco wasn't enough?

Draco must’ve fallen asleep there on the sofa. He woke hours later in that same position, instead now with a blanket covering him. He checked his watch. It was late; his mother would be asleep by now. Not wanting to wake her, he laid there thinking. 

He thought about how he had let stupid Potter have such an impact on his life, and how without him, he didn’t know how to function. _Enough is enough_ , he thought to himself. _I have to move on_. It was with this thought he dozed off again, although the legitimacy of his proclamation was questionable, given he once again imagined his Harry laying there with him.

He woke again, this time with the winter sunlight streaming in through the gap in the curtains, and the sounds of Narcissa drinking her tea in the kitchen. Draco stretched, then realised what had woken him. A persistent tapping coming from the window. 

After pulling back the curtains, Draco could see Hermione’s owl, Artemis, tapping furiously, letter in its talons. He quickly let the bird in, accepting the letter, before she perched on the arm of the chair, clearly being instructed to wait for a reply. 

_Draco –_

_Where are you? We came to your flat to find it empty with clothes everywhere. Please let me know you’re safe, we are all concerned about you._

_Sincerely,_

_Hermione_

  
Draco scrawled out a reply, letting her know where he was, and handed it back to Artemis, before joining his mother for breakfast. Except he couldn’t shake his curiosity. Who is _‘we’_? Did Harry also come looking for him, only to be greeted with an empty apartment?


	5. Chapter 5

**Five  
**

_Flashback_

_August 12, 2003_

Since that heartbreaking moment in January, Hermione had visited Draco every single day in his lab for tea and lunch, in desperate bids to get Draco moving again. Whilst Draco remained working, it appeared that all light in his eyes had vanished, his love for his work gone without a trace. It seemed that when Harry left, he took along with him a big chunk of Draco, which Hermione was longing to see again since he had merely resembled a shell for the last eight months.

Over the course of Draco’s relationship with her best friend, he and Hermione grew to be extremely close, with each of them relying on each other for everything. All Hermione wanted was for her best friend to become himself again, yet all efforts made brought no tangible results.

This Tuesday afternoon was no different. At 3pm precisely, Hermione walked into Draco’s lab, and began brewing tea while the blond remained fixated on his work. Only once the tea was ready did she attempt to talk to him, and his responses were the same as every other day before.  
“Draco, here,” Hermione handed him his tea, surprising him by her presence.  
“Oh, thank you,” he replied, visibly distracted.  
“How have you been today?” She pressed.  
“I think you already know the answer to that," he drawled sarcastically. "Miserable. I have felt pathetic all day. Nothing new there,” he snapped. Hermione took that as her signal to be quiet, sipping at her drink, waiting for Draco to say something. The two finished their tea in silence, and Hermione gave Draco a quick kiss on the cheek.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, take care, okay?” She smiled weakly at him. Draco nodded, not breaking his focus from his work. “See you tomorrow.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating in the past week, I have had trial exams and have been focussing on them.  
> To make up for it, here are two new chapters! Enjoy :)

**Six**

_ December 5, 2003 _

Weeks later Draco arrived back home, feeling ready to move on and leave Harry in his past. Spending time with Narcissa granted him an escape from the suffocation of London, specifically the overbearing presence of Harry, which provided time to heal. 

His focus shifted to his work, feeling refreshed and focussed on potions, and even began experimenting with new ingredients to create a healing potion, collaborating with St Mungos and the patients who have had their memories altered, with the goal of eventually allowing people to access memories which had been shut off. 

He fell into a nice routine, something which he had missed for the last year, of waking up, working away in his potions lab until the late hours of the night, and returning home, collapsing into bed and repeating the next day. Harry would have been pissed if Draco had acted like that with him, yet Draco found it fulfilling, serving a purpose for the good of other people. 

Unlike Harry, he had to work to gain the trust of people. Where Harry always had people supporting him, after the war Draco struggled to not be sentenced to Azkaban, not to mention the looks on the faces of the people he walked past in the streets. Naturally, being with Harry relieved some of this, and when Harry left… people easily went back to how they viewed him previously. But this new potion was his chance to prove to people he shouldn’t be defined by the actions of his younger self. Prove to the wizarding world that he was worth something, prove to himself that he didn’t need someone else to define his worth.

Friday night, he was, as usual, working away in his lab when Hermione and Pansy marched in, demanding that it was too late to be working and that he should go out to a bar with them. They both had a night off without their boyfriends, Ron and Blaise, and wanted to act as wing-women so Draco could begin to meet new people. He went to protest, give his usual spiel about how he wasn’t ready to move on, but then he stopped. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. If Potter was able to move on within a month, surely he can too.

He peered over his notes at them, contemplating. It would be nice to have some fun, lately, all he has done is a cycle of working, eating and sleeping. He then agreed and packed up his desk before locking up and walking to the nearest apparition point with the girls.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

_ Flashback _

_ November 23, 2001 _

Harry, along with Ron and Hermione, was out at a nightclub, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Draco and his friends. The two groups had months prior decided to put their differences aside, eventually becoming close friends. This was a weekly occurrence; each Friday somebody would choose a bar or club they would all hang out at, and each week everybody would stumble back to Ron and Hermione’s apartment, blind drunk, and crash there for the night, and wake up the next day nursing stabbing headaches and very little will to live.

Since the trials, he and Draco had slowly become acquaintances, which eventually transformed into a friendship, which was how it remained for over a year. Recently, however, Harry had begun looking forward to seeing Draco, and had come to the conclusion that he was pining after the tall blond. He found himself nervous in his presence, staring more than usual at him, and wishing the other boy would make a move without ever telling him how he was feeling. Tonight, however, this was going to change. Once they were both a little drunk, Harry told himself that he would say something – or do something – that would make Draco realise how Harry was feeling. The only problem was that Harry had been telling himself this every week for the past month, only to shy away the moment he came close.

Soon enough, Draco, with Pansy and Blaise trailing behind, spotted the Golden Trio in the club and made their way over. Hermione was overjoyed; finally, some female company, and took Pansy’s arm and they began to dance. Harry focused his attention on Draco – who was yet to acknowledge him – admiring the way the lights seemed to bounce endlessly off his face, allowing himself to stare. Until Draco looked at him, which only left Harry blushing at being caught.   
“Didn’t anyone tell you it was rude to stare, Potter?” Draco drawled sarcastically.  
“Haha, very funny,” Harry quipped back, “How are you Draco?”  
“Fairly good, currently working a lot, and yourself?”  
“Yeah I have been well, Auror training began on Monday so I've been fairly occupied.”  
For most of the night, that was the extent of their exchange, with everyone making their way to the dancefloor soon after.

Harry was dancing with Hermione when he glanced over to see Draco dancing– well, it would be more accurately described as grinding–with another man. Harry felt his blood boil, nobody other than him should be on Draco like that. He continued to shoot daggers at the other man, then noticed that Draco had been looking at him the entire time.

In a last resort attempt to get Harry’s attention, Draco found some man to dance with to see if Harry would say anything. It didn’t seem like it was working, until he noticed that Harry was staring darkly back at him, jealousy seemingly burning. Draco felt his breath hitch in his throat; taken aback by the response his actions warranted in Harry. Without a moment to spare, he gestured to Harry to follow him in the direction of the bathroom, before taking the other man’s hands off of his waist and walking away.

The second Harry met Draco in the small walkway, Draco grabbed a hold of his shirt, breathing heavily.  
“Like what you were seeing, Potter?” He smirked. The simple act of dominance sent a shiver down Harry’s spine, and it took a moment of Draco standing over him for him to realise that he had become aroused. Willing to test the boundaries, Harry simply replied by grabbing Draco’s face and pulling him down into a kiss. 

Pure passion and intensity took over, and they remained pressed against the wall making out, the muffled sounds of the blaring music in the next room the soundtrack of the beginning of their love story.

When they finally stopped, Harry grabbed the blond’s hand and walked him back out into the club. He tapped on Hermione’s shoulder.  
“We’re, uh… we’re going to head out. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Harry said. Hermione looked between them, taking notice of them holding hands, and her face lit up.  
Smiling, she nodded. “Okay, see you later. Have fun,” she winked at them.

Within moments Harry was fumbling with the key to his home, and once they made their way inside, pushed Draco up against a wall, desperately grinding down on his hips and locking his lips on his. The rest of the night passed, a blur of touching, feeling, clothing being torn off and thrown on the floor. Pure want filling the air, as Harry finally got to experience things he’d only done in his dreams. 

The sun shone over the pair the next morning, while they were still tangled from the night before. At last, each man was at peace.


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

_December 5, 2003_

  
Harry wandered into his living room, and was greeted by Finn.   
“Are you ready, love?” Finn asked, giving him a kiss on the cheek, the pair having decided to go out with Ron that night.  
“Yeah I’m ready, just give me a moment to get some shoes on,” Harry smiled back at his partner. They had only been dating for 11 months, but everything felt so right that it seemed like they had spent 20 years together. Unlike Draco, Finn managed to be warm around everyone, rather than wearing a constant sneer on his face and glowering at any given moment. And it wasn’t like he didn’t love Draco, because he did. That man somehow managed to turn his world upside down and make him feel alive, but it burdened Harry that the world would never truly approve of his choice. So, to save everyone from heartache in the future, he decided it would be best to end it.

  
Of course, he had doubts about his decision, especially when he saw the gut-wrenching look on his love’s face the day he ended it, but he simply could not continue the way he was, and from what Hermione had told him, Draco had finally been able to overcome the loss and stand alone, which is all Harry ever wanted for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we allll know where this is going ;)  
> Enjoy the update lovelies! It's a very short one but the next one is longer, I promise!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's update day! Thank you so much for the comments you left on the previous chapter, it always makes my day when I see someone has commented or left a kudos!  
> I have had this chapter planned for ages, and I think everyone who left comments on Chapter Eight will be very pleased with what happens for Draco next :))  
> Enough from me, now enjoy the update <3

**Nine**

_December 5, 2003_

Those memories of his first time with Harry hit Draco like a truck the second he stepped into the bar. Determined to not let him win again, he continued deeper into the venue, the music continually growing louder, until the three settled on a table by the bar.  
“So, what are we drinking tonight, ladies?” He asked the two girls, holding open a cocktail menu.  
“A gin and tonic, darling,” Pansy drawled at him, sticking to her usual order. Draco nodded at her.  
“I think I might like a pink martini, thank you Draco,” Hermione followed shortly.   
“This round is on me, I will be back in a moment,” Draco went up to the bar, and took a seat while waiting to be served. He sat, looking at the menu trying to decide on what to order. Not even a minute had passed, when a shorter, yet older man sat to his right.  
“Hello there,” Draco quipped, trying to figure as to why he had taken the seat right next to him when there was plenty of room. Having been acknowledged, the other man turned to him, smiling.  
“Hi. I’m Samuel, nice to meet you. Can I buy you a drink?” He boldly spoke, clearly already slightly inebriated. Having gone over two years without flirting with strangers, Draco stood up to the challenge, determined to pull his mind off of Harry.  
“Lovely, I’m… my name is Draco, and if you insist, I would like an Ogden's, please,” Draco leaned closer to him.  
“And what are your friends having?” Samuel gestured towards Draco’s table.  
“Oh, a gin and tonic, and a pink martini, thank you,” Draco glanced at his face. While he did not have the same features that Harry had, which Draco still adored, he was attractive enough. He had long, dark hair, which complemented his striking dark features. He was also fairly fit, with his tight, fitted shirt outlining the curves of bicep muscles, clearly from playing quidditch. While not quite the Chosen One, he would be enough to distract him for the night, along with copious amounts of liquor.

Once Draco had the drinks, he wandered back to his table and took a seat, thanking Samuel along the way.   
Before returning to his own group, Samuel whispered to Draco, “come find me later for a dance,” winked at him, and then left. Hermione and Pansy, giddy with excitement, nearly squealed while their eyes lit up.  
“Who was that?” Pansy exclaimed, her eyes following Samuel as he departed.  
“He is somebody I just met,” Draco explained, wanting the girls to forget about it, albeit they never would. “Can we please talk about something else? Hermione, how is the Ministry?"  
Hermione answered readily, although she kept looking at Draco in that same way, all-knowing on how the night would turn out for Draco and his newfound interest.

It was an hour later when Draco finally approached Samuel on the dance floor. He had had quite a bit to drink in order to give him the courage to do so; courage to quit looking back and begin looking forward. Samuel was eager in his acceptance of the invitation to dance, and in amongst the hot bodies around them, he kept his hands on Draco’s waist while he got lost in the music.

As Draco was attempting to move on, and quite successfully doing so, he did not take notice of the pair of striking green eyes staring at him from afar.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

_ December 5, 2003 _

Harry sat in a booth in the corner with Ron and Finn, mouth agape. His best friend and boyfriend were deep in debate over their respective quidditch teams, so neither paid him any attention when he nearly fell out of his seat at the sight of Draco, quite literally grinding up against a tall man.  _ Another _ man. Someone who wasn't him.

The sight of Draco so casually, carelessly placing his hands on another man shouldn’t have angered Harry this much. But it did, because how dare someone else be able to be that close to him. Except they were able to, because of his own stupid choices.

Harry shook his head at the thought. If he was allowed to move on, why couldn’t Draco? He was completely in his right to do so, yet for some reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off of the blond. The lights hitting each of his sharp angles in just the right way, the music seemingly flowing through his limbs until he became the embodiment of the tunes, his hands –  _ Merlin, his fingers _ – pale and long, effortlessly clasped around the glass of what Harry was sure was Firewhiskey – he did always have quite the affection for the drink. The deep green sweater he adorned brought out only the best of Draco’s features. It reminded Harry of a time when he would steal it just to smell like Draco, to smell of expensive hair products and his cologne. If he thought hard enough about it, he could still smell it, the smell that brought him overwhelming comfort in a previous life. He could still feel how soft the wool was, how easily it could be pulled off of Draco when Harry was so desperate to have his hands all over his pale skin, and again, his mind was brought back to his fingers, which Harry only knew to pleasure him effortlessly.

The reaction that him wearing that sweater brought out in Harry had him cursing him for doing so. How dare he come here looking like that when Harry can’t have him.

Completely unaware of his unbreaking gaze, Harry was quickly brought back to reality by Finn’s arm snaking around his waist.  
“You good?” Finn asked, concern filling his features. Obviously, he had been caught staring.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just need some air?” He wasn’t sure why that came out as a question, yet Finn simply nodded and followed once Harry stood and walked out.

Thankful for the cool near-winter breeze, Harry shut his eyes and leant against a wall. After a few moments of the two standing there, Finn’s hand remaining on Harry’s hip, until he decided he was ready to go back inside.

Finn spent the night glued to his side, yet all Harry could think about was somebody else’s hands on his past love. Despite the conversations taking place at his table, he found himself constantly stealing glances of Draco, until realising that he had somehow begun pining for the man. Again. The man he decided he didn’t love, the man he wouldn’t allow himself to love.

Determined to ignore these feelings, Harry squeezed Finn’s hand

“Ready to go home?” It was fairly late, so the other wizard agreed.

He took one last longing gaze at Draco, not realising the pair of grey eyes staring back, before leaving hand in hand with Finn, and parting ways with Ron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, someone's jealoussss ;)  
> I am quite enjoying delving into Harry's perspective on things, are you liking it? Or should I try to stick to just Draco? Let me know!  
> Hope you enjoy this update, as always kudos and comments are very much appreciated <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I wrote a chapter (not this one) and I got so excited by it that I felt like giving you guys another update! I am seeing a lot of dislike of Harry, which I am glad to see because he is definitely not a good guy for much of this series! I am so glad you are all enjoying this fic, it is my baby and the fact that people love it makes me so happy! Thank you all so much <3

**Eleven**

_ December 5, 2003 _

Green eyes. That’s all Draco could pay attention to in spite of the hands which were all over him.

_ Potter _ . Staring at him as if he should be there, in Samuel’s place. Intense rage overwhelmed his mind. Harry had the nerve to leave him and then expect that Draco won’t move on, expect Draco to sit around waiting for Harry to come back? Screw him.

Draco whipped around, and leaned forward to whisper to Samuel.

“Want to get out of here?” Draco queried. Samuel only nodded, and Draco removed them both from the dance floor and let Pansy and Hermione know that he was leaving.

In a second, the two apparated to Samuel’s apartment and immediately began ripping clothes off of each other’s body, leaving sloppy kisses all over one another.

Things progressed rather quickly, although all Draco could picture Harry’s face in place of his drunk hook up.

While Samuel managed to momentarily fulfil some kind of gap in Draco’s life, all he craved was Harry’s hands for one more night. Hands that managed to burn at Draco’s skin, pleasure him in a way no one else could. 

Once they eventually both finished, they lay about for a few moments before Draco abruptly got up.

He thanked him while pulling his clothes back on.

“Wait! Why are you leaving so quickly?” Samuel shot up.  
“I think it’s best if I go, I’m not really after anything more than what just happened, so…” Draco trailed off, and pulled on his shoes. Samuel simply sat there, appearing somewhat hurt.  
“Well, alright then.” He gazed at the blond man, who clearly couldn’t leave any faster.  
"Yes, well... thank you. Goodbye,” Draco walked to the door, and apparated home. 

His apartment was cold, and he had to shower to wash away the dirty feeling of his skin. The hands that weren’t Harry’s left him feeling vile, and wishing nothing more than to have Harry here again.

But he wasn’t coming back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday loves!! Just wanted to say how much seeing your comments and reactions to my story (especiallyyyy Harry!) makes my day, so thank you so much for that!  
> A bit of a flashback for you all, a bit of an insight to Draco pre-his relationship with Harry!  
> Thank you all so much for reading, I love you all <3

**Twelve**

_Flashback_

_September 12, 2001_

Draco had been pining over Harry Potter for well over a month now, and no matter what he did, he could not get over it. He would go for a few days, feeling as if he was finally moving on from the ridiculous crush, one that would never come to fruition, before bumping into Potter or seeing him at their weekly drunken escapades, and he would be back where he started.

Draco had even gone as far as dating numerous wizards to distract himself from the all-consuming infatuation with Potter.   
Naturally, given the minor detail that he was a death-eater during the war, his options were exceedingly narrow, so he employed the help of Hermione and Pansy to find him someone-anyone- to date. 

His first date was a complete disaster. Although he was decent looking, the man was evidently a wannabe dark wizard, who exclusively spoke in great admiration of Voldemort, as if he could have succeeded at becoming a death eater. How pathetic. 

The next man the girls chose for him was actually decent. The dinner was tolerable, and he was a seemingly good guy, so they arranged a second date. And although he was alright with the fact of Draco’s past, the sight of the tattoo that protruded on his left arm left him visibly shocked, even shaking, so Draco knew there was no chance of it progressing further than it already had. 

And so it went on, with date after date having something go wrong or something wrong with them. If only he had made some better choices in the past, maybe he would actually have a chance with Potter, but alas, hindsight is brilliant. 

Weeks passed before Draco decided to give up. It was clear that he wasn’t meant to date, and no one would truly accept him, so he made the decision to simply endure his intolerable feelings for Potter and wallow in self-pity.

Seeing him weekly at least allowed him to look at him, although the proximity to him without being able to touch him did drive Draco slightly mad. Yet this was Draco’s fate, and he had to accept it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday loves!  
> A big thank you to everyone who has read this so far, it means a lot to me!

**Thirteen**

_December 12, 2003_

The next Friday it took Draco a lot less convincing from Hermione and Pansy to go out. Having realised that he didn’t need Harry to bring him pleasure anymore, he was almost excited when it was the weekend. He could get as drunk as he’d like, sleep with whomever he wanted to, and not even Harry could ruin that for him.

Of course, there was that one minor part of him – his heart – that consistently nagged at him to keep waiting for Harry to realise his mistake, but he was able to shake those thoughts when he went home early that afternoon to get ready.

He sat staring at his wardrobe for a few moments, pondering on which shirt would show off his best features, before settling on a fitted, grey dress shirt. He had moved on to style his hair, yet before he could dip his fingers into the pomade, there was a knock at the door. 

He jogged out to greet whoever it was, and was hit by a ton of bricks when he saw Hermione and Pansy, with none other than Harry Potter standing behind them.

“What is  _ he _ doing here?” He asked, ignoring Harry’s smiling face.

“I’m so sorry Draco, he heard that Pansy and I were going out, and when he told me that both Ron and Finn had ditched him for the night, I couldn’t turn him down,” Hermione explained. 

“Finn?” Draco questioned, the unfamiliar name gaining all of his attention.

“Oh, um, that’s Harry’s boyfriend,” Hermione squeaked awkwardly.

“Oh, well…” Draco trailed off. As much as he could not stand to be around Potter, he realised it would be too late to turn him away, and besides, given how intently he had caught him staring the previous week, it would be the perfect opportunity to show Harry how Draco no longer needed him. After a moment, he agreed.

“Well, alright then. He can come, but you two are babysitting him if he gets too drunk.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Before this week's update, I would just like to address and clarify what is happening in the story. As per someone's comment last update, this is a story about emotional healing and moving on, but in order to flesh that out a bit, I have planned some less-than-desirable scenarios for Draco, one of which being forced to go to the club with Harry, Hermione and Pansy.  
> Additionally, there are chapters that are flashbacks which I have noted at the top of such chapters, as along with the date. I have tried to make it as clear as possible, so let me know if there is anything I can do to make it easier to see!  
> Once again, thank you so much for the love you have shown this fic. Every kudos and comment left has kept me motivated as well as given me some great ideas on where this is headed, so I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.  
> Enjoy today's update!

**Fourteen**

_ December 12, 2003 _

As predicted, within an hour of first arriving at the club, Potter was hammered. Not that Draco would show him that he cared, of course. While his heart nagged at him, desperate for him to let himself care, let himself feel the burning in his chest whenever he was in the same room as him, it hurt too much. And Draco needed to stop hurting. The man he was dancing with at least distracted him momentarily, replaced the hurt in his heart with intense pleasure in every other part of his body.

Draco felt Potter’s stare burning into him, yet all it did was inflict further pain on him, driving Draco to go further, placing his hands on the other man’s chest and pulling him down for a kiss, leading to the two of them finding the corner of the room to make out. 

And boy did that drive Harry mad, flashes of dozens of emotions ablaze within him. Jealousy, hunger, desire, and pure, unadulterated rage. All because that other man gets to kiss Draco, and he has done everything to ensure that he himself will never get to experience that again.

Cursing to himself, Harry stumbled up to the bar, and ordered another whiskey, doing everything in his power to shake the thoughts which crowded his head. Once Hermione saw that Harry was having yet another drink, she took it upon herself to pry the glass from his hands, before letting Pansy know that she would be taking him home to sober up.

As they stood there, waiting to cross the road, Hermione could’ve sworn she heard Harry slur something that sounded very similar to, “I still love him, Mione,” as he rested much of his body weight against her. She looked down at his face, pressed against her shoulder.

“I know you do,” she smiled sadly, “but he’s gone through so much because of what you did, and it isn’t fair to Finn, so I think it’s best if you just learn to move on.” 

Harry didn’t respond, but Hermione knew the regret he was feeling. Regret that he hurt Draco that badly, regret that he valued the opinions of people he didn’t even know over what he had. Regret that he had moved on almost immediately with Finn, and now it was too late, too far gone for Harry to make up for his mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely feel a bit sad for Harry, but he is also incredibly flawed so he annoys me so much!  
> I also may not be able to stick to my updating schedule over the next month as I have my final exams for high school and haven't been writing as often. In advance, I thank you for your patience :)


	15. UPDATE

Hi there! Thank you everybody for your patience and understanding for the past month while I've been MIA.  
Just thought I would update everyone on my current situation. I still have three exams left in the next week, but as of Saturday the 28th, I will resume writing in order to get a chapter out for December 1st.  
Again, thank you so much for the support, I cannot wait to get back into the world of Draco and Harry.

Lots of love <3


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